


clawful

by loathetolove



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bickering, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, M/M, Meet-Cute, background kenhina/implied daisuga, catsitting, hinata and suga are briefly mentioned, only rated t for some b-list language, technically college au but not really?, they're both terrible and i love them, this is just 5k of kuroo being bullied by a ten pound cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loathetolove/pseuds/loathetolove
Summary: “Tell Chibi-chan I said hi!” Kuroo teased, grinning and waving. Kenma ignored him and shut the door, and with that, he was gone.He turned to Kenma's pet, who was still sitting on the table, looking insufferable. He pointed at him. “I don’t trust you.”The cat blinked, looking entirely too pleased with himself. Kuroo sighed.or,Kuroo volunteers to watch Kenma's apartment (and, by extension, his demon cat) while he's away, and the results are unexpected - but definitely not unwelcome.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 169





	clawful

**Author's Note:**

> me in november: i’ll start and finish this fic before thanksgiving  
> me in december: i’ll start and finish this fic before new year’s  
> me three days ago: you are like little baby. watch this
> 
> wrote most of this after nine pm and i didn't proofread it so that's how you know it's the good stuff
> 
> jsyk i named kenma's cat after phoenix wright because i've been playing ace attorney and u KNOW kenma would
> 
> stan kuroaka. i'm gonna go disappear for another five months bye

Kenma had picked the cat up off of the side of the road. The animal, who he had dubbed “Phoenix,” was a troublemaking, albeit adorable kitten at the time. As time passed, he retained that same mischievous behavior. The only change was that he didn’t have those big, sparkly kitten eyes to beg for forgiveness.

“Kenma, control your cat, I’m begging you.” Kuroo sighed as he poured his cup of coffee into the sink. Phoenix watched innocently from his perch on the table.

Kenma shrugged as he stuffed a console into his bag. “That’s what you get for leaving it out on the table. That’s lesson number one. Coffee is really bad for cats.”

“He survived getting hit by a car. I’m pretty sure he’ll live. Besides, I don’t even think he drank it. I think he just stuffed his face into the mug and sneezed.” Kuroo glared at the cat, and he stared unblinkingly back.

“Are you having a staring contest with the cat?” Kenma zipped up another compartment of his bag, getting ready to leave his apartment and travel to his boyfriend in another city. Over time, he started bringing less and less on his visits, as his belongings began to accumulate at said boyfriend’s residence.

“This cat is the devil, Kenma. I swear.” He smirked when the cat blinked, therefore forfeiting the match, and started licking his paw. “Everything he does is on purpose.”

“You’re being ridiculous. He’s a cat.”

“Hey, I’m the one who volunteered to watch this spawn of satan and make sure your apartment doesn’t get robbed while you’re off visiting Hinata.” He poured himself another cup of coffee, gulped it down without adding anything to prevent anymore cat-related incidents, and immediately regretted it. Why anyone would genuinely like black coffee for the taste was beyond him.

“And thank you for that, really.” Kenma slung his bag onto his shoulder and checked the time on his phone. It must have been getting close to the time his train was set to depart for the city, because he announced that he should be leaving soon.

“I can drive you to the train station, if you want,” Kuroo offered. He knew his friend would be fine - he really had come out of his shell since their high school days - but that didn’t stop him from fretting.

Kenma rolled his eyes, as if he could sense what he was thinking. “Thanks for the offer, _mother_ , but it’s only three blocks away. I’ll manage.” Kuroo stuck his tongue out at him as he approached the door and turned his head back to add an additional comment. “By the way, don’t panic if Phoenix disappears every once in a while. He likes to go for walks.”

_Good riddance to him, then,_ Kuroo thought, the memory of seeing the cat sneeze directly into his cup of coffee still fresh in his mind. “Great. He has been fixed, right? I don’t think I could handle mini versions of this bastard. The cycle would start all over again.” He was definitely more of a dog person, but the cat had admittedly been cute when he was a kitten. The cuteness faded the first time he knocked his phone onto the floor during a visit, though.

“Of course. He can’t afford child support, he doesn’t even pay rent.”

“He should,” Kuroo grumbled, looking at the cat shamelessly licking his own butt.

Kenma sighed. “Bye, Kuro. Be nice,” he said, eyes pointedly glancing at Phoenix and then back to him.

“Tell Chibi-chan I said hi!” Kuroo teased, grinning and waving. Kenma ignored him and shut the door, and with that, he was gone.

He turned to Kenma's pet, who was still sitting on the table, looking insufferable. He pointed at him. “I don’t trust you.”

The cat blinked, looking entirely too pleased with himself. Kuroo sighed.

* * *

For an entire day, nothing interesting happened. Kuroo lounged on the couch watching trashy television shows and eating whatever was in Kenma’s fridge. Every time Phoenix waltzed into the room, likely on the way to create his next crime scene, Kuroo would intensely watch him pass until he was out of sight. The cat was being suspiciously civil, considering his history.

When he woke up in the morning, Phoenix was nowhere to be found. He spent about half a minute looking for him before remembering Kenma’s words and giving up. Whatever that monster chose to do outside of his friend’s apartment was officially not his problem anymore.

Admittedly, he started to worry when, a few hours later, he _still_ wasn’t back. He considered texting Kenma to ask if it was normal for him to be gone for that long, but right as he was opening up his contacts on his phone, he heard a quiet knock on the door.

Kuroo stood from his spot, his bones protesting - sheesh, he was only joking about being an old man, he was too young to turn into one - but he didn’t open the door immediately. If Kenma was expecting anyone other than himself to show up at his apartment, he hadn’t been told. 

Maybe someone had found Phoenix. But then again, did he really want him back? He was having such a nice time without him, not having to keep a constant eye on that fiend.

On the other hand, he really didn’t feel like dealing with Kenma’s wrath. He threw caution to the wind and opened the door.

Indeed, standing in the hallway, a ( _really_ _good-looking, what the hell_ , his traitorous mind supplied) black-haired stranger was cradling the hellspawn, who was putting up a surprising lack of a fight. He clearly was not expecting him to be the one behind the door, as his first sentence hinted at his confusion..

“Oh, you’re… not Kozume.”

Kozume? They were on a first-name basis and Kenma hadn’t even introduced him to Kuroo? Criminal.

The man’s eyes narrowed, suspicious. “You’re not a robber, are you?”

“A robber wouldn’t _tell_ you if they were a robber,” Kuroo couldn’t help but point out. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because the stranger’s posture straightened in apprehension. “Oh, no I was - I was joking. I’m not a burglar.”

“That sounds like something a burglar would say.”

“What? Do I -” Kuroo suddenly became very aware of his appearance, at the mercy of his scrutinizing gaze. It really didn’t help that he was attractive. A worn-out school sweatshirt and sweatpants was still a cool look, right? Had it ever been? “Do I look like a robber?”

“Do you want me to answer that?” Oh, so _that_ was how it was going to be. Kuroo could play this game. He (and only he, as others constantly reminded him) called himself the ‘Provocation Expert’ for a reason.

“I’ll have you know, Kenma specifically chose me” - a blatant lie, he had offered once Kenma told him about the trip since he had nothing better to do - “to watch over his apartment while he’s away, because he trusts that I’m responsible enough not to, first of all, _steal_ , and second of all, let a robber into his apartment.”

“Really? Responsible enough to make sure his cat doesn’t run away? Or even notice he was missing in the first place?”

He definitely could not play this game. Kuroo decided that it was about time to shut his big fat mouth, or at least restrict its capabilities. “...He said he does that sometimes.”

“Yes, this isn’t the first time I’ve found him inside my locked apartment.” He gestured with the placid cat in his arms, the creature making no complaint.

That was a new one. Perfect, now he’d have to worry about him being able to phase through locked doors. Salvation was a mere concept in Kenma’s apartment. “Ah, yeah, sorry about any damage he might have caused. He’s kind of a nightmare, but Kenma insists that he’s a good cat, for some reason…”

“What are you talking about? He’s never caused me any trouble.” His expression showed no signs that he was joking, but his eyes were brighter. He still couldn’t tell whether it was true or not, but at least he gained the new information that he has very expressive, very pretty bluish-greenish-grayish eyes. Oh no.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Phoenix? The same cat who had left a dead mouse _inside_ Kuroo’s shoe as a present on two separate occasions? Likely story.

“No, he’s a very nice cat. I enjoy his random visits.”

Kuroo was no longer sure that this was Kenma’s cat in front of him. Maybe he had a clone. Maybe Kenma hadn’t gotten him fixed in time and he had the chance to produce a bunch of mini-Phoenixes. He wanted to shudder at the thought. “...We cannot be talking about the same cat.”

The man rolled his eyes and held out the cat. “Do you want him back or not?”

He was _so_ tempted to say, “hell no, keep him as long as you want,” but in the next moment, the hellspawn was being forced on him by the snarky stranger. Phoenix immediately clawed his way out of his arms and darted back into the apartment. The man raised an eyebrow at the cat’s desperation to escape his caretaker’s clutches. He silently cursed Kenma for choosing the worst wingman ever for a pet.

“He doesn’t like me very much.” He hid the scratches on his hands by hurriedly sticking them into the pocket on the front of his sweatshirt. 

Kuroo swore he could spot the corners of his lips quirking up. He felt his heart do little somersaults in his chest. _No, don’t do that_ , the quiet, rational part of his brain weakly protested. Too late.

The black-haired man turned to look down the hallway. “I should be going, but it was nice meeting you, ah…”

He stood there like an idiot for a few seconds before realizing he’d never told him his name. “Kuroo Tetsurou.”

He nodded. “Akaashi Keiji. Tell Kozume I said hi, please.” He very politely did not put his hand out for a handshake to respect his battle scars. After exchanging quick goodbyes, Akaashi walked back to, presumably, his own apartment.

Kuroo came back inside to see that the cat had stolen his spot on the couch.

* * *

The rest of that day passed (relatively) without incident. Kuroo ignored the cat, and in turn, he sat directly in front of the television for hours. Great.

But the next few days, it was like Phoenix was _trying_ to give him a heart attack.

On five separate occasions, Akaashi appeared at the door holding the demon cat. Each time he opened the door, he’d be waiting with some snide remark, which Kuroo would have absolutely no choice but to respond to. Somewhere along the line, their bickering turned into friendly conversation, and each visit, Kuroo learned a little bit more about Kenma’s neighbor.

He lived three apartments down. He and Kenma had met because they had a class in university together, and he was majoring in photography. He lived with a roommate named Ennoshita who was allergic to cats, which was the whole reason he brought Phoenix back in the first place instead of letting him find his way home like he knew he would. (Just how many people had this cat gotten to believe his facade?)

And, apparently, he was very amused by the mutiny the cat directed towards Kuroo.

Every damn time Kuroo thought that he might not be making a complete fool of himself, the demon would do something to make him look like an idiot. The attacks ranged from biting his heels to climbing onto his head and launching himself off into the apartment. The highlight of the experience was watching Akaashi trying (and failing) to conceal his laughter, which was very not good for Kuroo’s wellbeing. Coupled with the cat’s merciless scratches, he was sure he’d be dead by morning.

“Are you positive you’re not doing anything to make him be like this?” Akaashi inquired at the tailend of one visit, watching Kuroo recover from a surprisingly forceful divebomb ambush by Phoenix. How could such a tiny creature have so much hatred - wait, nevermind. Yaku.

Kuroo responded indignantly as he discreetly peeked behind himself to make sure Kenma’s horrible pet was no longer lying in wait. Akaashi seemed to think his paranoia about the cat was terribly comical, and he hated him for it. Except… he definitely didn’t. “I’ve tried so hard to be nice to him. He’s acting very bold considering that I’m the one who feeds him.”

“Threatening starvation to a creature who can’t verbally defend himself? Classy.”

“Excuse you, I am a _very_ nice person. He doesn’t need words, his actions are evil enough.” He brushed off his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. That morning, he had the hindsight to somewhat tame his bedhead after seeing that Kenma’s cat had once again seemingly vanished from existence and could possibly return in the arms of an angel. An infuriating, snarky angel. He couldn’t wait for Kenma to subtly make fun of him for developing feelings for his neighbor in two days.

“I’m sure you are,” he responded, looking way too smug for someone who had just witnessed someone being viciously attacked by a feline. It suited him.

The morning after that, Kuroo woke up with a start to yet another series of knocks on the door. With an embarrassing amount of effort, he managed to push himself off of the couch. He must have fallen asleep there watching stupid videos. A quick glance at his phone told him that it was 8:46 in the morning, and the autoplay function had directed him towards some surreal CGI videos that he sincerely hoped were satire. He tried to ignore the crick in his neck and went to unlock and answer the door.

Once again, Akaashi was standing there with Phoenix in his arms, looking entirely too good for too-early-o’clock in the morning.

“What the shit, I definitely locked the door last night,” Kuroo said incredulously.

“He could have been outside,” Akaashi reasoned, setting Phoenix down and letting him scurry back into the apartment, because at this point he knew that giving him to Kuroo would only result in casualty.

“I know for a fact that he was there, because I remember him doing a backflip off of the wall and running straight into the table leg at around eleven last night.” Indeed, he had laughed his ass off as the cat recoiled and stared at the obstacle like it had personally offended him. Karma.

Akaashi didn’t respond. He was staring at something directly above his head. It was then that Kuroo realized that his hair probably looked even more ridiculous than usual after sleeping. He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair, only for it to get caught.

“So that’s how you get it to look like… that,” Akaashi commented. 

Kuroo felt very self-conscious. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he squawked indignantly. 

“Nothing. It suits you.” For the first time, Akaashi didn’t look him in the eyes, and Kuroo was almost certain he saw blush spreading over his face. It was also the first time he had seen him this flustered, and he honestly wouldn’t mind seeing it every day for the rest of time.

Kuroo barely managed to stutter out a thanks before he heard a loud crash from inside the apartment. Embarrassment forgotten, they exchanged quick goodbyes. (Akaashi clearly found it hilarious, the brat.)

Surprisingly, Kuroo found that he couldn’t bring himself to be too mad that Phoenix had tipped over a chair if it had made Akaashi laugh.

He was in trouble.

* * *

He decided a quick trip to his own apartment he shared with two roommates in a nearby city was in order, both to vent to people who couldn’t kick him out and to escape Phoenix for at least some time. On his way out, he checked probably four times to make sure he’d locked the door before he left, but apparently this cat was a goddamn Houdini and could do whatever he wanted whether physics allowed it or not.

Luckily, both Daichi and Bokuto were home to listen to him complain about the events that had transpired over the last few days. He sat across an unamused Daichi at their kitchen table, watching Bokuto play some button-mashing game on their ancient couch.

“So, you think that Kenma’s cat is trying - purposefully - to make you look like a dumbass in front of Kenma’s neighbor? Who, by the way, you happen to like way too much already?”

“Stop making fun of me about that part, I’m fully aware Kenma will roast me for it later. You’d understand if you met him.” Kuroo sighed, setting his head down on the table in defeat. “But yeah, you pretty much summed it up.”

“Aww, but Phoenix is the nicest cat ever! How come you don’t like him?” Bokuto paused his game and swiveled his head back to look at Kuroo, strongly reminiscent of an owl.

“Uh, more like he doesn’t like me. You see these? These aren’t just flesh wounds, he’s hurting me emotionally _and_ socially. I’m going to end up alone because of this demon cat,” he ranted passionately, waving around his scratched up hands. He had made the mistake of peeling an orange after the incident and suffered the consequences. That must have been his plan all along, the asshole. “You know how people bring their dogs along trying to get a date because they think it will make them seem more likeable? This is, like, the opposite of that.”

“And what does Kenma’s neighbor think about your tendency to attract feline aggression?”

“He thinks it’s funny because he’s mean! And I go along with it because he has a pretty smile and I’m an idiot! Hey, stop - don’t laugh at my pain, Bo!” Bokuto did not stop. Daichi cringed, either in sympathy or second-hand embarrassment.

Kuroo groaned and slouched back in his chair. “I’m telling you, that cat is doing this on purpose. He’s trying to ruin me.”

Daichi shook his head. “This is a cat you’re talking about. The only thing they care about is food.”

Yeah, right. He was pretty sure this cat lusted for blood instead of Meow Mix. “Cats have emotions! I’ve seen it. Phoenix looked straight into my eyes while destroying the side of Kenma’s couch with his claws.”

Bokuto apparently decided to humor him, recovering from his fit of laughter. “What was the emotion?”

Kuroo’s face darkened, completely serious. “Vengefulness.” Bokuto started to laugh again. He pouted at his amusement.

Daichi wasn’t fazed. “I really think you’re being overly dramatic about this.”

Kuroo pointed a scarred finger at him indignantly. “You don’t know my pain. Suga didn’t think you were a robber the first time you met. Some demon cat didn’t attempt to take out your eyeballs when you were trying to be cool.”

“Please tell me you didn’t use any chemistry-related pick-up lines,” the roommate sitting across from him begged.

Fortunately for him, he hadn’t. At least not yet. But he obviously had no idea what he was talking about; those lines were foolproof sometimes. “No, but if I did, they would totally work.”

Silence filled the room. Daichi looked at him, extreme doubt apparent on his face, and even Bokuto looked away and unpaused his game, refusing to meet his gaze. “What?” Kuroo asked.

Daichi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anyway… Phoenix goes into the apartment after he gets dropped off, right?” Kuroo nodded. “Then why don’t you just close the door?”

He waved his hand. “Not an option. He’ll find a way out.”

“What? Through a closed, solid door?” Daichi asked, confused. Kuroo refused to elaborate.

Bokuto paused his game again and fully turned around. “Well, I think you should just talk to this mystery man.” Kuroo tilted his head. He had already done that. However, his roommate continued before he could ask what he meant. “You know, like, ask him on a date? Talk to him at his own apartment? Get rid of the cat from the situation completely, if he’s bothering you so much.” He shrugged and turned back around.

Kuroo laughed. “No, I don’t think I can do that.”

Daichi gave him a look, like the one he gave him when he caught him and Bokuto playing a _very_ competitive game of Jenga that just so happened to use their newly-bought groceries as the blocks. “Why not?”

He stared at him like it was obvious. “Because I’ll die.”

His roommate stood up from his seat and scoffed. “You are being such a child.”

“Like you’re one to talk, it took you two years to ask Suga out! His response was ‘ _finally_!’”

“At least I did it,” Daichi said, and, shit, he had a point. Kuroo wasn’t about to admit it, though.

“Whatever. I don’t need your help. I’m just here to steal our food since Kenma’s supply is dwindling and I don’t feel like going to the store since he’s coming back tomorrow.” He walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door. Daichi shouted as Bokuto clambered over the back of the couch to prevent him from stealing the rest of their takeout.

When he opened Kenma’s door with his arms full of stolen junk food to find Phoenix sitting on the edge of the couch, he tried to ignore the pang of disappointment he felt.

* * *

“Kenma! Welcome back,” Kuroo said upon hearing the door open and shut the next morning. He leaned over the back of the couch as his friend set his bag down. “How was your trip?”

“Hm.” Kenma looked at him suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. Kuroo started to sweat. “What did you do?”

Kuroo pressed his hand to his chest and gasped. “What? Why do you always assume I did something bad? I can take care of myself, you know.”

Kenma just stared at him. He really did excel at glaring at people. “Mhmm.”

“...I got you apple pie.”

Phoenix chose that moment to trot into the room, jumping onto the table and purring up a storm, getting as close as possible to Kenma’s face as he could. Kenma gladly pet him.

“What the hell? I didn’t know he was even capable of purring.” Kuroo pushed himself up from the couch and wandered over to where Kenma was standing.

“Did you try being nice to him?” The cat flopped over, rubbing his face against the wood of the table. How deceitfully adorable.

Kuroo crossed his arms. “Yes. I was very civil towards him the whole time.” Kenma rolled his eyes as he rubbed Phoenix’s belly. “And in return, he gave me these.” He displayed his hands, littered with partially healed cat scratches.

“Wow, what pain you must have been in,” his friend deadpanned. “He didn’t give you any trouble with his disappearing acts, did he?”

“About that…” Kenma immediately whipped his head towards him. Kuroo held up his hands defensively. “Oh, no, it’s nothing bad. Shouldn’t have started with that. Heh.” He simpered as the blond glared at him, but his alarm was officially gone.

He was gearing up to ask Kenma about Akaashi, but he realized he didn’t even know what he would ask. How long had they known each other, maybe? How close were they? Was he single and/or attracted to guys - more specifically, insufferable dorks?

Not that last one; Kenma was not above smacking him. He knew that from experience.

“Um.” He faltered as both the cat and Kenma turned to look at him. “I was wondering about your neighbor.”

Kenma raised an eyebrow. “Which one.”

Kuroo felt really nervous all of a sudden. “Akaashi Keiji. Down the hall? Says he has a class with you?”

After a second of, most likely, wondering what his classmate had to do with anything, realization dawned on Kenma’s face. He looked like the cat that ate the canary, or got the cream, or whatever. Like Phoenix when he knocked something off of the shelves. Kuroo gulped. Instant regret, just like he had suspected. “Why?”

He whined. “C’mon, man, don’t make me say it. You’ll just make fun of me”

Kenma snorted as he began to unzip his bag. “That’s pathetic.”

“ _Kenma_ ,” he protested, drawing out the vowels and letting his forehead fall down to the table. “What do I do?”

“Don’t ask me. You’re a grown college student, you can deal with a crush on your own.” He started unloading his clothes from the bag and threw them on the couch to be put away later (meaning four days later). “How did you even meet him, anyway?”

“He found Phoenix in his apartment and brought him back. Six times.”

“Yeah, that’s happened before.”

“He thought I was a robber.”

“...Okay?”

“Kenma, he could be my soulmate and all you have to say is ‘okay?’”

Kenma made a spectacularly disturbed face. “Calm down,” he deadpanned.

“I will not.” Kuroo sank to the floor. “He’s so pretty. And so snarky. He’s amazing. And he only made fun of my hair a little bit.”

His face somehow grew even more twisted in disgust. “Gross. I expected better from him.” Kuroo glared at him for the subtle slight. His dear friend didn’t acknowledge his contempt and instead opened the fridge to get the apple pie that Kuroo had, indeed, bought for him, like a sucker. “If you’re going to use this as an excuse to take over my apartment, I know how to change the locks.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I can and I will.” Kenma looked straight at him then. “Talk to him.”

“I can’t do that! What if he thinks that my laugh is ugly? Or finds out that I sleep on my stomach with two pillows covering my head?” He leaned forward. "What if he remembers that I'm a chemistry major?"

The blond was not having any of it. He angrily cut/stabbed out a slice of the pie, which would be hard to accomplish if he were anyone else. “Go over there and communicate with him like an adult. Or I will.”

“When did you get so bold?”

Kenma shrugged and shoved a piece of pie into his mouth. That was the end of that conversation. Kuroo would have to suffer on his own from then on.

So naturally, he procrastinated and hung around Kenma’s apartment a little longer. His friend would occasionally glare at him from where he was using his phone (presumably texting Hinata about his woes) as if that would levitate him off the couch and through the door. Phoenix had disappeared somewhere, but he really couldn't care less where that fiend was. He was too busy stewing over what his friends had said.

And, of course, there was a knock on the door. Kenma swiveled his head to look at him. They had a nonverbal conversation complete with intense glaring and exuberant hand waving. Kenma obviously was the resulting champion, and he looked about ready to drag Kuroo over there if he didn’t get up himself. So, bracing himself, he put his hands up in defeat and walked over to the door.

Immediately upon opening the door, Akaashi put Phoenix down.

Kenma had stood up and joined their conversation. Akaashi greeted him. “Ah, Kozume. Welcome back. How’s Hinata?”

“He’s great.” His eyes flitted back and forth between the two. “Good to see you two are getting along.”

Kuroo tried as subtly as he could to nudge his ankle with his foot. He kicked him back twice as hard. Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows after hearing his tiny yelp of pain. 

Kenma quickly redirected the conversation before he could start asking questions. “If you’ll excuse me, I have something else I need to do.”

Kuroo immediately understood what he was doing and tried powerlessly to stop him. “Right now? What could you have to do that’s so important that you have to leave this instant?”

“Yes, right now,” Kenma insisted.”It’s _very_ important.” He gave Kuroo a look that clearly said “you are going to do this and you are going to do it _now_ or so help me.”

He watched helplessly as his horrible best friend disappeared behind the elevator doors, still staring meaningfully at him. Little shit.

Akaashi had been watching the whole exchange curiously. Clearly, he had caught wind that something was going on. Of course; he was too clever. “Do I want to know what that was about?” he asked, turning back to look at Kuroo.

If there was any time to ask him, it was now. He had the perfect window. All he had to do was open his mouth and say the words. Easy enough, except it wasn’t with him _staring at him like that_ , and he wanted to run back inside like Phoenix. 

No, he could do this. He had to, or else Kenma and Daichi and possibly even Bokuto would never let him hear the end of it. Or refuse to let him inside their apartments if he didn’t. 

Whatever the reason, he actually wanted to do it. “Do you want to go out sometime?”

He was pretty sure he went through all five motions of grief in the six seconds he was waiting for a reply. Kuroo looked anywhere but his face, and he was pretty sure the sound of his heart pounding was audible.

He was tracing the tacky pattern of the carpet with his eyes when he finally spoke. “...On a date?”

Kuroo swallowed. Did Akaashi want it to be? He sure gave nothing away in his voice. At least he didn’t sound outright mad. “That… is the plan.” Nice save.

Another few seconds. Was he trying to kill him? “Sure.”

Kuroo finally dared to look at his face. His eyes were averted, and he was definitely blushing. Yep, Kuroo had stopped breathing. “Huh?”

Akaashi rolled his eyes so hard it looked like it hurt. “I said sure. Did the cat impair your hearing, too?” he asked, but he was starting to smile.

It was contagious. He finally let some air into his lungs. “Cool. Nice. Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck for something to do with his hands besides fist pumping the air. “I guess I should get your number?”

“Yeah.” Kuroo’s heart nearly exploded when Akaashi handed him his phone to write down his number and their hands brushed.

Riding on the wave his swelling ego provided, he was feeling a little too self-confident. After handing his phone back (and setting his contact name as “Kuroo-san” with about ten different emojis after it) he put on his best shit-eating grin and opened his stupid mouth. “Are you my appendix?”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes, like he knew exactly what was coming.

“Because I have a gut feeling I should take you out.”

He groaned and covered his face with a hand, but not quick enough to hide his smile. It made Kuroo’s chest swell. “That was… terrible.”

“There’s more where that came from.” As long as the internet kept supplying them, that was.

“I guess I have that to look forward to, then.” Ha! He used a science pick-up line and he still liked him! Kuroo made a mental note to later tell Daichi and his very wrong opinions to _suck it_.

Akaashi glanced down the hallway. “I have to make sure Ennoshita knows I’m not dead. But I’ll text you when I can.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you around. Hopefully, if Kenma doesn’t kick me out.”

With one last wonderful smirk, Akaashi retreated towards his own apartment.

When Kuroo turned around to go back inside, walking on air and smiling like an idiot, Kenma was already back inside, petting Phoenix on the table.

“Whoa, when the hell did you get back inside?” He hadn’t noticed him slipping past him. He hadn’t even heard the elevator come back up.

“What do you mean? I never left.” Kuroo looked at him doubtfully. “Forget that. I’m guessing it went well?”

His dumb grin came back. “Yeah, actually, really well. Thanks for forcing me to do it.” He looked at the cat. “And, apparently, for holding that demon back.” It was the first time Phoenix hadn’t violently interrupted their meeting, and the first time he actually accomplished something. There was a direct correlation.

“If it weren’t for this ‘demon,” you two never would have met.” Kenma really looked like one of those villains in a movie slowly petting their cat and stroking their mustache. Except he didn’t have a mustache, and, if anything, the cat was the villain.

“What? You would have introduced us at some point,” Kuroo reasoned.

“I guarantee you I would not have.”

Kuroo glared at him.

He held up his hands. “It’s true. I kind of thought he would be annoyed by you.” Kuroo gaped at his brutal honesty. “But I guess fate is weird. And if you insist you’re soulmates, then this cat” - he gestured to Phoenix - “is fate. Or destiny, or whatever.”

The cat blinked its blue eyes lazily. 

Kenma continued to pet the cat. “Say thank you to Phoenix.”

Kuroo stared at him like he was insane. He crossed his arms defensively. “Say thank you to the cat? For what, tearing my skin off?”

Kenma and Phoenix’s cat-like eyes bore into his soul. Although he felt ridiculous, he gave in.

“Fine,” he sighed. Kuroo reluctantly and slowly crouched down to be face-level with Phoenix. “Thank you, you miserable, genius, conniving bastard.”

The cat sneezed in his face.


End file.
